A long time ago, Jaejoong discovered that he had a sort of… oral fixation. Growing up he loved gum and lollipops, chewing on his pens and pencils in class, sucking on straws for as many drinks as he could. When he got older, kissing quickly became a favorite "hobby" of his. Among other things.
But the day he started smoking was the day that he really felt at ease. The combination of the filter between his lips and smoke in his mouth fulfilled his obsession and soon enough, he was smoking a lot more than he should have been.
Of course, the moment he became an idol, they took away his cigarettes for the first year. He resorted to bumming a few here and there off of security and his managers, when they were feeling nice. He used to share them with Yunho, the two of them just looking for their small fix (Yunho more of the nicotine than him), but soon enough two became three.
The first time Yoochun joined them, Jaejoong had laughed in his face.
“You’re asthmatic…and a singer. You really want to smoke?”
Yoochun back then was still shy, still scared of making a mistake and liked to keep to himself. Jaejoong back then never noticed or rather didn’t care at that point.
“It looks...relaxing. Hyungs look so relaxed when you sneak out to smoke so…”
Yunho shrugged and gave him their last cigarette, biting his lip as he coughed through it. Jaejoong rolled his eyes and finished off his own.
It had taken a few times for him to get it down, but Yoochun was natural as they came. Jaejoong ended up feeling guilty enough to help him out, pulling him aside instead of Yunho when he bummed cigarettes. He showed him the way to make a perfect smoke ring and the quickest way to get the smoke smell out of clothes.
Yoochun became an easy part of their group...and then Jaejoong’s permanent smoking partner.
They shared so many thoughts and feelings and moments on balconies, roofs, hotel rooms, beaches, their cars. He had learned so much about Yoochun and about himself through those conversations. Like Yoochun...and his smiles. Or his lips. They belonged around a cigarette or around something in general at all times.
Or at least Jaejoong’s brain thought so.
...that he’d given up smoking, they wouldn't have any of those moments. But those moments weren't even about smoking, that was just a reason they met up outside of work.
Bored overseas? Meet me on my balcony.
Filming gone late? I’ll get to your set in an hour.
Smoking was a reason, an excuse just to see each other. Now what did they have?
Drinking usually led to smoking with them (as countless experiences showed), so Jaejoong couldn't do that just yet.
Just wanting to see the other...with their busy schedules seemed selfish, no matter what Jaejoong felt. At this point, if either of them had rest, then if should be used sleeping or at least relaxing.
So, what did that leave?
Nothing, Jaejoong realized.
And that was the problem.
It wasn’t like Jaejoong needed a reason to see Yoochun or meet up or cook dinner for him or buy stupid expensive toys like a life-sized Iron Man together. They were friends. Best Friends.
Soulmates who had everything in common...minus one bad habit.
One bad habit that took away the main answer to his fixation.
One bad habit that left him chewing through packs of gum and spending ridiculous money on coffee shops for straws to chew on and the new fancy sensitive toothpaste he needed because sucking and crunching on icecubes was apparently his new vice.
One bad habit that was really the smoke screen for the real thing that Jaejoong wanted to suck on.
The thing that he could never have, even if he wanted.
And he did.
“Hyung! Jaejoong hyung!”
Jaejoong turned and spotted Junsu halfway across the room, waving frantically. He hadn’t seen the other since the start of the Moldir party when he arrived with Junho. All of C-Jes were there, as well as Jaejoong’s other friends and collaborators.
Yoochun came with Yoohwan and Jihyo, but he hadn’t been able to catch the other since they said hello. Jaejoong’s back was still burning a bit from where Yoochun brushed his hand against it. His smile was apologetic and that in itself made Jaejoong feel a little better.
By the time he finally reached Junsu, he noticed the panicked look on his face.
“Junsu, what’s up? What’s wrong?”
“You need to come see this, it’s awful-” Junsu grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the main room. They went down a hallway and Junsu opened a door-
Only to shove Jaejoong inside, right into something, and shut the door.
“Kiss and make up or whatever the hell you have to do, I’m tired of dealing with it!” Junsu said through the door as the lock clicked. “I can keep your cover for at most an hour, just call me when you’re done...and actually done!”
Jaejoong blinked at the door, eyes adjusting to the darkness. It was then that he realized that the ‘thing’ Junsu pushed him into was a person as they dropped their arms around him.
“Did he actually... lock us in together? ...In a closet?”
Honestly, Jaejoong should have expected something like this from Junsu. But all he could do was sigh at Yoochun’s voice. He sounded as tired as Jaejoong felt, after two concerts and flying back.
“He did...so I guess that means we’re pretty bad right now, huh…” Jaejoong replied, stepping away and feeling along the wall for a light. “I don’t think this is a closet though, if I remember correctly. Let me find the light-”
A hand covered his quickly. “Junsu wants us to talk so let’s just… sit and talk.”
“In the dark?” It was a question, but more of a rhetorical one as Jaejoong turned and slid down the wall, hand slipping out from under Yoochun’s. “Okay. We’ll talk.”
He listened as the other fumbled and sat down next to him, smiling when Yoochun cursed as his head bumped against the wall.
It was silent for a few minutes.
All Jaejoong could hear was Yoochun’s breathing and the far off bass of the party. Miles of thoughts ran through his head until he couldn't take it anymore. He sighed and shifted over, leaning and resting his head on Yoochun’s shoulder.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you more.”
Jaejoong turned his head to glare, but realized that was pointless in the dark. So he bit Yoochun’s shoulder instead.
“Did you...just bite me?!”
“You’ve bit me before!!! Multiple times!! ON CAMERA.”
Even in the dark, Jaejoong could easily see Yoochun fighting for a response. Laughing to himself, he settled back on his shoulder, feeling content for the first time in a while. Yoochun groped around until he found Jaejoong’s hand and threaded their fingers together.
While the first silence was stifling, this one was more calm.
“Why didn’t you message me?” Jaejoong finally asked after a few minutes. Yoochun said nothing and just continued to stroke his thumb across the back of Jaejoong’s hand.
“Was it something I did? I thought about everything I did and if I made you angry in some way, just tell me-”
“Don’t...Don’t cut me off like that. I know you’re busy but that’s never stopped us before.”
“And I know that I was being a little over bearing with messages, but quitting smoking has literally driven me up a wall. I’m wasting more money on gum and gross coffee just to chew on straws and ice cubes. I’m avoiding most of my friends because the smell of smoke makes me want to gag- I’ve been talking to Junsu every day as much as I-” He paused with a frown, suddenly the energy he just built up gone. “As much as I used to talk with you and he isn’t the same. Nothing’s the same. Without you. Nothing is the same without you. Just- tell me what I did wrong so I- We can fix it.”
“No.” Jaejoong pulled his hand and body away. “Just tell me. Was I too annoying? Did I bother you too much while you were on set? I can fix that, let me just get my phone and I can order food and presents-”
“Jaejoong-ah- Aiish, where are you, maybe the dark was a bad-” Yoochun’s hand landed on his face and moved to cover his mouth. “Let me talk.
“At first I was a little angry...and jealous that you quit smoking. You were the one that taught me how to smoke and it was sort of our thing together, no matter how bad it was. I can’t tell you how many of my favorite memories of us are on a balcony or that time we snuck out in Paris or our night walks in Japan sharing a cigarette we stole from our manager…
“But you wanted to quit and decided on it, no matter how miserable you felt the first couple weeks. I was almost happy to see you miserable through your kakao messages, knowing that we wouldn't be having our smoke breaks anymore. I knew that was selfish of me and that’s why I didn't answer you at our bakery.”
Yoochun sighed, his hand falling away. Jaejoong wanted to laugh at how similar their thoughts were; that they were nearly thinking and worrying about the same thing. He turned his head and lost where he was in the darkness until Yoochun was laying across Jaejoong’s lap.
“You were angry, understandably, and I felt stupid and guilty. I wanted to message you, but it didn’t feel like a conversation to have over a phone or through a text.”
“And we were both so busy that you didn’t have time to meet.” The lightbulb went off in Jaejoong’s head, and he felt a little better. So Yoochun wasn’t really avoiding him. That was a good thing. A very good thing.
“Yeah. I wanted to talk to you as soon as I could tonight, but this is your big party, so I couldn’t just drag you away from everyone.” Yoochun sighed against his thigh, making Jaejoong hold his breath. It was easy to picture the pout of his lips and it made Jaejoong mourn for the lights.
“Anyway, I guess Junsu saw me sulking and did the first thing he could think of. He really did keep his word and didn’t tell you.”
“Junsu-yah is...Junsu-yah. Our Junsu, heh.” Jaejoong smiled, feeling his way up Yoochun’s shoulder and to his head. He ran a hand through hair he couldn’t see but feel, traced over his closed eyes and nose, thumbing the dent of his dimple.
“I’m sorry for being a jerk and selfish...can you forgive me? Are we okay?”
“Ye-” Jaejoong almost answered on autopilot, content enough just to have Yoochun back here, next to him, on top of him, near him.
But it wasn’t enough.
What they had before wasn’t enough.
And that was the problem.
“No. We’re not okay.”
“Hyung? What-” Yoochun sat up and Jaejoong’s hand slid down his face, thumb brushing over his bottom lip (still pouting) and something snapped.
Everything- every moment, stare, smile, frown; every cigarette, spoon, straw, chopstick, popsicle, lollipop, pencil, person- Everything that Jaejoong had seen touch or move the lips he’d stared at more than he’d ever admit. Every stress and want and hope and desire he had over the past weeks, month, year- years came crashing down.
Jaejoong couldn’t stop himself even if he wanted to. And he didn't.
Perhaps it was fate that their first real kiss would be in the dark. There was no way for Yoochun to see it coming and push him away. It was almost too easy, really.
Easy to tilt Yoochun’s head toward his and lean down; he didn’t even need any light to find his mark. It was nothing more than a simple, chaste kiss, but it fulfilled most of Jaejoong’s desires. Yoochun’s lips were soft, but also chapped. Stupid cold weather and outdoor shooting.
He held back his want to bite down on that lower lip that pouted so much as he pulled away, already listing all the consequences and apologizes he would have to make in a few seconds. But it was worth it.
His mouth was open to start apologizing when Yoochun leaned in and kissed him again, lips now slick with his own spit and Jaejoong shivered at the image in his head. Finally he was the one being kissed, not someone else. No longer the voyeur, but an active player.
It didn't take him long to respond to the kiss, pushing his fingers through styled hair and pulling Yoochun closer. Too long had he wanted and waited for this and with Yoochun actually kissing him back, Jaejoong was going to take advantage of every second. He bit down on Yoochun’s bottom lip, swallowing his gasp and the hints of champagne still on his lips. He had no intents of getting Yoochun go until he kissed, sucked, licked, tasted everything he could from his lips to his back teeth.
He moaned as Yoochun reciprocated everything, legs straddling and body pressing him against the wall. The darkness made everything even better because all Jaejoong could do was listen and feel the lips on his jaw and the skin under his own fingers, the tongue dragging up his neck. Everything was intensified and perfect. He wouldn’t want it any other way.
When they finally broke to breathe, Yoochun laughed against Jaejoong’s ear, sending shivers down his spine.
“You know...in the beginning, it wasn't cigarettes I was addicted to.” He whispered, smiling against his pierce ear.
“It was you.”
“When I said kiss and make up, I didn't actually mean it literally… but…”
Jaejoong grinned into their kiss, continuing to mostly ignore Junsu.
“Fuck it. So long as you guys stop whining to me about how your soulmate doesn’t ~love~ you back, I don’t care anymore. I really should be paid for this shit, I mean, I’m practically the saint of patience now-”
The door slammed shut, but stayed unlocked. After one more short kiss, Jaejoong finally pulled away.
“Time to go face reality.”
They left the room hand in hand, blinking at the lights. Jaejoong reached up and fixed Yoochun’s hair and collar as Yoochun rubbed off a smudge of his eyeliner.
Their eyes met and they kissed one more time in the dim hallway.
“Okay?” Yoochun asked again, voice a little shaky. Jaejoong squeezed their hands.
So last month I killed my old macbook in a horrific death via green tea :((( I wanted to update Runaway and SMHYD over the holidays, but after losing the WIPs (well, I have my old hard drive, I just need to still shift everything to my new one), it still might be awhile. So for now, enjoy the JaeChun muse who has moved into my heart for long term~ And maybe some MinSu soon. Maybe.
As always, comments, questions, concerns welcome~♥
Happy New Year (Solar and Lunar), Everyone!